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The Darkness Within |
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I know how hard it is to believe that healing is possible and dreams can come true. I certainly had all the hope beat out of me at one point in my life too. I remember when I first learned about myofascial release fearing that even though it healed so many other people it wouldn't work for me. I was far too broken for it to work on me...right? That was how I felt after 2 car accidents 11 months apart culminating in a fractured vertebrae in my spine and many symptoms that made me feel like humpty dumpty in a pile of pieces on the floor. And healing was scary, it was so scary sometimes and so painful that I thought I'd never survive it and at times I wasn't even sure if I wanted to. This is the darkness that comes when we've been hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is the darkness within. Inside that darkness is where healing lies. I don't mean that as some obscure metaphor but as exact directions. At the corner of Fear and Pain in the depths of your Darkness, when you drop in and feel what is truly there. And in that darkness you let go of your inner resistance and sob a river of tears, rage tearing down all the walls or feel whatever is there. When you finally let feelings pour in and out of you again and you can breathe again. That's how it was for me. If I had never let myself feel those terrifying feelings and that horrible physical pain, over and over again until I was really pretty well cleared out, I never would have made it out of that personal hell. I felt imprisoned in my own body. And I thought for many years that there was no way out. That was how it was presented to me by the doctors and physical therapists I had seen. "You're screwed kid get used to it." When I was discharged from physical therapy at a reputable alternative PT center in my town I remember the therapist saying "you're just going to be like a little old lady for the rest of your life," I was 25 years old at the time. I couldn't lift a gallon of water, my gut was a mess, I was in severe constant pain and I could barely move... ~To Be Concluded |
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